Reclaiming Your Agency: How to Take Back Control and Create Your Best Life

Imagine sitting in a car, watching the world fly by through the window, but realizing you're not the one steering. You’re going somewhere—but it’s not where you want to be. This is what life feels like when you’ve relinquished agency: you’re a passenger in your own story, waiting for someone else to decide your next turn. If that sounds uncomfortably familiar, it’s time to reclaim your agency.

What Does It Mean to Have Agency?

Agency isn’t just about making choices or having freedom; it’s the deep inner belief that you are the driving force in your life. While we can’t control everything that happens to us, we can control how we respond, the actions we take, and the way we show up in the world.

Think of a baby—they can sit in their playpen and wait for someone to bring them food, or they can use their innate drive to crawl, explore, and discover their surroundings. Agency is honoring that inner drive. As adults, it means refusing to wait passively for opportunities or pity; instead, it’s about standing up, taking action, and shaping your future.

Why Do We Lose Our Agency?

For many, the loss of agency is a gradual process. You don’t wake up one day and decide to give it away; it slips through your fingers over time. Maybe you felt rejected when your ideas weren’t valued, or societal norms convinced you that following the “rules” was the safest option. Slowly, you may have stopped believing that your actions mattered. Now, you’re stuck in a cycle where your life feels like it’s controlled by others—your boss, your circumstances, or even the expectations of your peers.

The Cost of Living Without Agency

Living without agency feels like being stuck in quicksand. You’re working harder, but you’re sinking deeper—frustration builds, progress slows, and resentment sets in. Without agency, you miss opportunities because you weren’t ready or didn’t take the initiative to prepare. You spend years waiting for the “right time” or for someone else to notice your potential.

The hidden cost? Regret. One day, you’ll look back and wonder: “What could I have done if I’d trusted myself more?”

The Transformative Power of Reclaiming Agency

Reclaiming agency changes everything. It’s the moment you realize you’re not waiting for permission to live your life. You become the active creator of your success, instead of a passive participant.

Take Mia (not her real name), a client of mine who felt like a victim of her circumstances. A talented dancer, she believed she wasn’t chosen for good opportunities because the world was against her. Through coaching, she realized she had relinquished agency: she wasn’t actively working to create opportunities or showing people what she was capable of. Once she started taking bold steps—networking, expressing her goals, and preparing tirelessly—her narrative shifted. Within a year, she went from being an overlooked apprentice to landing significant roles.

Mia now knows that even when things don’t go her way, she has the power to try again and do better.

How to Begin Reclaiming Your Agency

Reclaiming agency doesn’t require dramatic changes overnight; it starts with small, deliberate steps. Here’s one you can take today:

Identify One Small Action That Feels True to You

Ask yourself: What’s one small change I can make that reflects what I truly want? Maybe it’s declining a meeting that doesn’t align with your priorities, taking a short walk to clear your mind, or saying no to something that drains your energy. It doesn’t have to be monumental. The key is that it’s a choice you’re making for yourself—not because someone else expects it.

For example, I know a client who started reclaiming agency by taking 10 minutes every evening to journal about their day. It wasn’t a big change, but it gave them space to reflect and identify patterns where they were giving away their power. This small act of self-awareness led to bigger, more confident decisions over time.

The Mindset Shift

Reclaiming agency requires confronting limiting beliefs: I’m not good enough. Things like this don’t happen to people like me. These beliefs keep you stuck. Instead, reframe them into empowering ones: I have the skills to grow. I’m capable of achieving great things.

The shift is about realizing that waiting for others to hand you opportunities is not a strategy for success. Success happens when you take consistent, courageous action. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

A Final Thought

Agency isn’t given to you. It’s something you claim. No one can care about your life as much as you do, and no one will invest in your dreams the way you can. Start today. Choose one small action, and let it remind you of your power.

Stand up, take control, and reclaim your agency. This is your life—it’s time to live it fully.